Apparently having moist and nicely conditioned lips will help you when you find out you've fucked up your life forever.
(And yes it was negative. Would I being making sarcastic posts otherwise?)
Now with commentary:
S: No, the lip balm is to say, "You dodged a bullet this time, next time stick to a blowjob."
Me: Hee! They should totally hand out lube. "Here. Next time, try anal."